[short] sela
10 October 2013 12:38![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pielcanelajust felt like writing out the mind of a pioneering scientist on his deathbed, upon being told that his life's work is about to be destroyed. nothing fancy.
they must be taking sela down now. they must be taking her down it should've been the first thing. sela runs everything davies and i made sure of that sela runs everything we made sure she can. we build things like sela to last beyond lifetimes and why am i still alive now that they're taking her down for scrap?
that's certainly what they'll do, scrap her, i mean, because i wouldn't give them the keys, because i wouldn't give them the keys to her, because she runs everything and keeps everything safe and she's the first thing they should take down if they know what they're doing.
i would've stayed. but they have me trapped here. they have me trapped and i can't go anywhere. i'm in this bed, these wires, this space behind the locked door. i'm in this breaking down body that's no good anymore and that's my fault that's why they're taking everything away. i'm not allowed to pick up the phone or go online or to turn the TV on is it that bad i need to know. are they smashing things? physically smashing things? with a wrecking ball or a sledgehammer, why are they keeping me from knowing?
they tell me it's my heart, but i know all about my heart, it's there. it's right there.
i was young and there was sela and there was no need for anything else. should've known that at the start, should've known my sela, my system, my beautiful incomplete, the one davies and i built with the years and our own two hands, to protect everything else we would leave behind, was everything, all that was important.
if they want to stop what she has hidden inside her, they should be taking her down. it's all or nothing with my sela and they're so afraid of her without me. i'm dying and it's my fault. it feels like they're using a sledgehammer now. they're keeping me from knowing and the longer i stay here, the harder it hits.
my eyes are closing it's the sickness i'm afraid or old age no matter it's no good, when i wake up they'll bring me a piece of her. or not they may just tell me that it's over, and davies would have said don't be absurd, and even if they did, so what, you can build her again. you don't need them to tell you that you shouldn't, you can build her again, she's a part of you.
but more than a part of me. all my life's work. all my time my thought my reasons. i feel them taking her apart. the first person who comes into my room to tell me they're not doing anything to her, i won't believe. i know how it feels when you're being broken from the inside now. it's a pounding in your chest something rising up my eyes closing my heart. my system. my heart.
they must be taking sela down now. they must be taking her down it should've been the first thing. sela runs everything davies and i made sure of that sela runs everything we made sure she can. we build things like sela to last beyond lifetimes and why am i still alive now that they're taking her down for scrap?
that's certainly what they'll do, scrap her, i mean, because i wouldn't give them the keys, because i wouldn't give them the keys to her, because she runs everything and keeps everything safe and she's the first thing they should take down if they know what they're doing.
i would've stayed. but they have me trapped here. they have me trapped and i can't go anywhere. i'm in this bed, these wires, this space behind the locked door. i'm in this breaking down body that's no good anymore and that's my fault that's why they're taking everything away. i'm not allowed to pick up the phone or go online or to turn the TV on is it that bad i need to know. are they smashing things? physically smashing things? with a wrecking ball or a sledgehammer, why are they keeping me from knowing?
they tell me it's my heart, but i know all about my heart, it's there. it's right there.
i was young and there was sela and there was no need for anything else. should've known that at the start, should've known my sela, my system, my beautiful incomplete, the one davies and i built with the years and our own two hands, to protect everything else we would leave behind, was everything, all that was important.
if they want to stop what she has hidden inside her, they should be taking her down. it's all or nothing with my sela and they're so afraid of her without me. i'm dying and it's my fault. it feels like they're using a sledgehammer now. they're keeping me from knowing and the longer i stay here, the harder it hits.
my eyes are closing it's the sickness i'm afraid or old age no matter it's no good, when i wake up they'll bring me a piece of her. or not they may just tell me that it's over, and davies would have said don't be absurd, and even if they did, so what, you can build her again. you don't need them to tell you that you shouldn't, you can build her again, she's a part of you.
but more than a part of me. all my life's work. all my time my thought my reasons. i feel them taking her apart. the first person who comes into my room to tell me they're not doing anything to her, i won't believe. i know how it feels when you're being broken from the inside now. it's a pounding in your chest something rising up my eyes closing my heart. my system. my heart.